It took me a long time to write my book review of My Dark Vanessa. Much longer than it took me to read the book, which I drank up as quickly as I could.
Author Kate Elizabeth Russell’s novel is exquisite, which is an odd thing to say for a story about such a delicate topic — a 15-year old student seduced by her middle-aged English teacher — but it’s true. The writing in My Dark Vanessa is haunting, beautiful, and lyrical from the get-go; it pulls you right into its troubling depths.
Russell introduces the reader to victim Vanessa when she’s an adult; Vanessa’s still reeling from her teenage experiences with teacher Jacob Strane, with whom she shockingly still keeps in touch. As you learn how her life has played out, you’re dragged into memories of her dark and twisted past, back to when she first met Strane and he “groomed” her (that word makes me shudder) to become his…I don’t know even know what to call her. “His pedophilic obsession” seems appropriate, though.
My Dark Vanessa is excellent at showing you the situation through Vanessa’s young, impressionable eyes. As an adult, my gut immediately started to twist when she starts interacting with Strane because all the warning signs are there. ALL the signs.The urge to lunge over and shield Vanessa with my arms, to keep her far away from this cunning, predatory monster, was overpowering.
But, as Vanessa? The experience of her relationship with Strane is so much more complicated. Through her eyes, you understand how she was drawn into something she thought she wanted, how she saw hope and promise and attention and love from this man who, really, is a very sick individual.
There are so many emotions running through Vanessa, and you experience them all with her, and it breaks your heart. Seeing the shell of an adult she’s become for the most of the novel breaks your heart, too.
My Dark Vanessa is hard to read. Really hard. But it’s mesmerizing all the same: the push and pull of the dance between Vanessa and Strane, of what’s happening between them, in the world around them, knowing the outcome years later even as you see what’s happening when she’s young…it captivates you.
At times, I wanted to throw up. But, I kept reading. I really didn’t feel like I had any other option, honestly. I owed it to Vanessa to keep reading. Blurber Stephen King (yes, that Stephen King) sums it up best: “Hard to read and even harder to put down.”
My Dark Vanessa is the kind of book that, when you finish it, you hold it tight to your chest for a minute, then sit in silence. You let its message, its profundity wash over you before you shut the door on a world that so inexplicably sucked you in.
The last time a novel impacted me like this was when I read Lost for Words Bookshop, which also, interestingly, deals with abuse. Let’s throw Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine in there, too. Obviously, if you’ve experienced any kind of sexual abuse, this book has a big Trigger Warning written all over it. I would strongly argue that the same goes for anyone who’s experienced mental or emotional abuse.
If you can read this book, please do so. It’s amazing, powerful, and IMPORTANT.
Have you read My Dark Vanessa? If so, I’d love to hear your thoughts on it below.
And, check back in for my book-inspired recipe: Cinnamon Sugar Pumpkin Bread.
