Book Review of THE KISS QUOTIENT

Mom, don’t read this post.

I’m serious. Stop reading. I know you’re a loyal Tartlet, but it’s okay for you to skip this particular book review.

In fact, for the love of God, please skip this one.

Are you gone? Last chance….

……

Okay! For everyone else who is NOT my mom:

*blasts Salt n’ Peppa music and dances around the room* Let’s talk about sex, baby.

The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang is a fantastic book. I’m giving this sweet, funny, sexy, and endearing story All The Stars. And, not just because it has some outstanding sex scenes in it (it totally does, though).

I’ve read the occasional romance, both contemporary and historical, as well as “regular” books in which unabashedly descriptive sex scenes suddenly pop up (lookin’ at you, Curtis Sittenfeld and Chloe Benjamin). However, romance is not my preferred genre, mainly because the storylines are quite formulaic:  boy meets girl; boy and girl have amazing chemistry and fall in love, but are both convinced that they could never work out for usually ridiculous reasons. Boy and girl quarrel, then separate – oh no! Will these star-crossed lovers ever find their happily ever after together??? *bites fingernails in anticipation*

You’ve read one, and you’ve mostly read them all. That is, until you’ve read about Stella Lane. While The Kiss Quotient follows the same plot development as most other romances, the individual character of Stella, a successful, beautiful, autistic woman, is what makes this story immensely appealing. (And, yes, the smoldering sex scenes don’t hurt.)

Stella, who has problems with social interaction, hires a male escort, Michael, to teach her how to be good in bed. Right off the bat, this sounds like a delectable read, right?? I mean, who hasn’t had the fantasy of being taught the ways of Eros by an extraordinarily handsome and skilled lover? (Don’t lie. You know you have.)

Of course, Stella gets much more than she bargained for – but, so does Michael. Hoang flip-flops between telling the story from Stella and Michael’s viewpoints, so you get to see how Michael feels during his initial experiences with Stella, who is very different from any women he’s previously known — in more ways than one. *wink*

We’re all aware that a successful sexual encounter is a brand new experience for Stella, but the story also focuses on how new the experience is for Michael – how he has to be gentler with her, more patient with her, and adjust to her “roadblocks” and “limitations” regarding taste, scent, touch, and sound that have previously prevented her from achieving true intimacy with anyone else, both romantically and platonically. Basically, he has to overcome her aversion to overstimulation. Obviously, this is HUGELY problematic because when it comes to sex, enjoying overstimulation is pretty much the name of the game.

Most romances focus on a woman’s sexual discoveries, so it was nice to see Michael in a “virgin” type of role focusing on how he handles similar discoveries while in bed with Stella. Of course, Hoang pens Michael’s thoughts and reactions much how a woman would hope a man acts in the bedroom and not so much how a man may actually act (have you ever known a man to passionately murmur some version of “Sweet Stella, my Stella” in your ear during sex? Yeeeeeah, I didn’t think so.) – but that’s pretty standard for romance novels written by women, so I’ll excuse it.

(Side note: are there any romance novels written by men?? I would love to read what men actually think in sexual situations, and not just what we want them to think. So curious about this now…)

However, it’s not all about the sex, for either of them. There’s a deepening emotional connection there for both Stella and Michael, but there’s ultimately a wonderful transformation for Stella that’s completely outside the bedroom.

As an autistic woman, Stella has trouble in social situations; she never feels like she knows what to say or do, and she constantly second guesses herself and her actions. She also has strong aversions to particular sounds, scents, and tactile sensations, all of which further contribute to her being awkward in common social settings. As Michael slowly accustoms her to overstimulation in the bedroom, Stella pushes the boundaries of her comfort zones in other aspects of her life. The results are often mixed, but each is a learning experience with its own progression.

As Stella becomes sexually confident, she becomes confident in herself and in her interactions with other people. A social world that was previously closed off to her —  due to both her preference and the unfortunate nature of society – opens its doors, and she discovers that she not only likes it, but that she can feel comfortable in it, just as she is, autism and all. Michael encourages her to be herself, and the transformation in Stella is wonderful to see.

Although this book is about an autistic woman’s sexual revelation, it’s very easy for the hang-ups that Stella has about sex (hell, about a lot of things) to apply to non-autistic women, too. One of the things Stella says is that she “locks up” or “shuts down” during sex due to, according to her, her autistic symptoms, such as racing thoughts and constant concerns that she’s doing something wrong.

Stella, I hate to break it to you, but you don’t have to be autistic to relate to this — amirite, ladies? We women have so many concerns and insecurities about our bodies, our performance, and ourselves in general that relaxing and enjoying sex can be extremely difficult, even when with our ideal partners. While Stella is a different case because of being on the spectrum, she’s also the poster girl for Every Woman. We’ve all been there. And, that just makes you like this sweet, sensitive, and intelligent heroine more.

And, it makes you REALLY root for her to get it on with Michael the Tattooed Sex God.

Do you read any romance novels? Even if you don’t, I urge you to read this fun, fresh, and insightful take on a traditional love story that celebrates what makes us different and the same.

Stay tuned for my book-inspired recipe: Mint Chocolate Chip Hot Fudge Sundaes!