The good news: I wrote my third novel. 

The bad news: Instead of querying this manuscript to literary agents, I’m going to shelve it. 

In case you’re unsure: THIS WAS NOT THE PLAN. 

Prepare yourselves, Tartlets, because this is, indeed, the Saga of Novel #3. A lament, if you will. Because in shelving a manuscript, I’ve lost a lot. 

Let’s back up

It’s been almost a full year since my last writer life update. Soon after I posted that, I started working on Novel #3. I’d made it only a few months before I gave in to the itch to write something new. My goal was to work on the new manuscript slowly, gradually, when I had time. I wasn’t in a hurry because I was querying Desserted; I was enjoying my blog work; and I was dealing with some pretty big health problems. Finishing a new novel was the last thing on my mind. 

And then I got The News: three requests came in from literary agents to review the full manuscript of Desserted. 

In case you’re new to this blog or any of this publishing stuff, please note that such requests are a Big. Fuckin’. Deal. 

Ultimately, the agents declined to represent Desserted… but two of them gave me some amazing feedback. 

— They loved my book. (Yayyyy!!) 

— They loved my story, and they loved my writing. (Yayyyy!!!) 

But… in today’s competitive women’s fiction market, Desserted just doesn’t have a unique enough “hook” to stand out to editors and readers.

In short: I wrote a great story — but it’s not marketable. And getting published is all about writing what will sell. 

Both agents invited me to send them my future projects, and one agent even told me I could send her Novel #1 (which actually does have a very unique hook) when my new work-in-progress is finished. 

Again, a Big. Fuckin’. Deal.  

The proverbial fire under my butt was lit. Novel #3? It’s a rom-com (romantic comedy) that I’m convinced has The Hook that agents, editors, and readers are looking for. (No, sorry, I’m not telling you what it is.)

What I’ve been doing since then

After receiving that positive agent feedback, I’ve been working like a madwoman to crank out Novel #3. I want to get the final manuscript out to these agents ASAP. While they still remember Desserted. While they still remember me. 

My plan was to finish the manuscript and starting querying it by July. This July. 

Umm, it’s July. And I’m nowhere near ready to query Novel #3. 

No matter how hard I try — and believe me, I’ve tried very hard — I can’t seem to make this story come to life.

I’ve written the entire book. I have 96,000 words down. That’s roughly a 275-page printed book. And the story isn’t horrible. It’s not even bad. It’s just not good enough. Nowhere near good enough, to be honest. And I have no idea what to do to get it there. 

Okay, that’s not true. I do. I know exactly what I need to do to make this manuscript wonderful, page-turning, gripping, yadda yadda yadda. All the good stuff. At this point, I’ve outlined the story dozens of times and I know what needs to happen, when, and where. But, when I sit down to revise the story, it all just…peters out. Stops dead in the road. I’m turning the car key, again and again, but the ignition won’t turn over.

It’s not writer’s block; there are plenty of words coming out. They’re just not the right words. 

As of today, I’ve spent the better part of a year on Novel #3, and it’s just not coming together. 

Why is this happening to me?!?!

Theory #1: I’m putting way to much pressure on myself and on this particular story. I’ve been treating Novel #3 like it’s the manuscript that’s going to land me an agent. And it very well could be, based on the agent connections I’ve made and the feedback I’ve gotten about Desserted. But, there are no guarantees, and there definitely won’t be an agent interested in Novel #3 if I can’t write a damn good story, hook or no hook.  

Theory #2: My heart’s not in this book. Novel #3 is the first story I’ve written that I don’t have a strong emotional attachment to. So much of myself went into Novel #1 and Desserted. Writing each of those stories had their challenges, but writing those two novels was also like breathing. The words and the scenes, for the most part, came naturally. I knew who my characters were; I knew what they wanted. I could see them, hear them, almost touch them in front of me. They were REAL.

After nine months of working on Novel #3, its characters are still strangers to me.

Confession time

I started writing a rom-com because I thought it would be easy, quick, and marketable; it wasn’t because I was excited about it. I wanted a Quick Fix, so to speak, to try to land an agent, and writing a rom-com seemed like the quickest way to get there. 

Please don’t think I’m discrediting rom-com authors. I’m not. Especially not after what I’ve been through with Novel #3! It’s just that rom-coms, simply put, are formulaic: there’s a pattern to follow in every story, and the basic plotlines are all pretty much the same. Rom-coms are light, and quick, and easy to figure out; they sell like hotcakes, especially these days. Just slap that Unique Hook on the tried-and-true formula, and you got yourself a winner. Right? 

WRONG. So wrong.

Let’s get back to the “how to shelve a manuscript” bit, shall we?

After much soul-searching and many conversations with my husband, my critique partner, my therapist, and myself, I’ve decided to abandon ship. I’m going to to shelve the manuscript for Novel #3. 

This means: 

— I won’t be revising it anymore.

— I won’t be querying it. 

— I won’t be emailing those two agents in the next few weeks to tell them “Hey! I finished my new book and it’s exactly what you’re looking for!”

Shelving this manuscript means that I’m letting go of the dream that’s kept me going for the better part of a year: the dream of being thisclose to possibly getting an agent, to taking one step closer to becoming a traditionally published author.

Shelving this manuscript makes me feel like I’m back at square one, while throwing away a golden opportunity to boot.

How am I dealing with this?

As you might imagine, this all makes me feel very sad. Frustrated beyond belief. And just a tad depressed. 

Okay, I’m heartbroken. 

I’m also… slightly relieved? Novel #3 has caused me intense amounts of stress over the past few months. Working on this manuscript, trying to twist it into something better, something I know is indicative of the kind of work I can produce, has ripped away my enjoyment of writing. I don’t look forward to working on Novel #3 anymore; I dread it. 

Writing is supposed to be all about joy, right? So, maybe shelving the manuscript is the right choice after all. UGH. Who the eff knows. 

Do I regret even starting Novel #3? Kinda. But I’m trying to look at it as a learning experience. 

Here’s what CJ learned writing Novel #3

— I’ve learned I’m not a rom-com writer. At least, not until someone pays me to be one. (Ahem, agents/publishers.) It’s just not a genre that comes easily to me.

— I’ve learned that I am a women’s fiction writer. That’s my genre. (Yes, I tried revising Novel #3 into women’s fiction. That was my last-ditch effort earlier this month to salvage this sucker. No, it still didn’t work.) 

— I’ve learned what my voice is. (Thanks, Kait, for pointing that one out.) I know I like slightly longer starts to novels; I like backstory; I like a deep emotional connection to my characters. I write best when I’m being me, not when I’m trying to conform to the ever-popular Save the Cat methodology of writing a novel. While many authors gravitate toward plot-driven stories, I gravitate toward character-driven stories. And I like it that way.

So, what’s next?

Ha. Yeah… I’m going to start writing a new novel.

**Excuse me while I go throw up at the thought of writing four novels — four FUCKING novels — without having a publisher, editor, or literary agent on board.**

I’m not starting Novel #4 right away, though. I need some time to recover from Novel #3. No one’s paying me to write – and while that’s not what I’d prefer, that’s also kinda good right now. I’m on no one’s schedule but my own. And I’d like to enjoy the rest of my summer without the guilt of an unfinished manuscript hanging over me.

And those two lovely agents who offered me some hope and encouragement? THANK YOU. If you’re reading this, don’t give up on me. I’ll be back. I promise. And when I finally begin Novel #4, make no mistake: this time, I’m going to write a story that I’m excited to tell. I’ve learned my lesson. 

Have you had to shelve a manuscript?

Tell me, fellow writers: have you written an entire novel — just to shelve it? How did you finally make the decision to do that? How did you feel about it? And, in the long run, do you think it was the right choice? Did you move on to create something new and amazing, or do you regret not working harder on the shelved WIP?